Okay, the worst thing about Yola is that it does not automatically save my draft. I poured my heart out on you and accidentally closed the tab. Now my heart-pouring thoughts are all gone!!!

Alright, the point is, I have been dating this guy for almost a month. But, according to him, our starting point was the first time he took me out to Guthrie theater, back in September (almost 9 months already) and our first date was the day he took me to his favorite get-away place in St. Paul back in January (almost 4 months already). I think that time is long enough for a guy to realize whether he wants to be with a girl or not. Yet, when I asked him where we are now, he gave me such a disappointing answer:
- We are on the way
- On the way? To what?
- To infinity (laugh)

Frankly, that answer disappointed me deeply. I know that I just got out of a relationship a month ago, and it is not like I want to jump right into another one, but I wish he would be able to show me some seriousness, an intention of commitment, of a long-term relationship than that BS answer. Probably I am thinking way too much, but seriously? If you are really not sure about whether you want to be with me or not, I am probably just not the right one for you. What can even be worse is that you know that I am not the one for you but you just want to string me along for a companion and sex. It hurt me so much just to think about those possibilities. I wish I could have acted more calmly and got my thoughts out to him in a clear manner. I was too emotional to talk and ended up bursting into tears. Now, he has gone for Boston. He is back today. I am not sure if he is back to Minneapolis yet. But it have been 4 days and he has not called or texted me at all. No sign of attempt to contact. Does he really string me along?

I believe we gonna end up talking about this anyway, at some points. I just do not know when he would reach out again or ever. I do not want to surrender and initiate the contact. It just made me feel bad about myself and feel bad being a chaser.

I thought we could have been something serious, something real, something official... I guess I need to keep my patience and see what the universe has in plan for me :|

Will keep you updated... 


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Updated on May 13

I knew I went crazy last time. Turned out everything was not as bad as I imagined. He surprised me by coming to the PlaySensation thing for my Toy Designing Class last Wednesday. We got things sorted out after I poured out all my frustrated thoughts and pressed him for a definite answer. He still could not admit verbally that I am his girlfriend. Instead, he kept pressing me what he is to me. Of course, as a stubborn girl who refused to be the first one to admit love, I did not respond. We agreed that we were a couple and things are getting serious between us. I have been with him every day until today (Monday). Things are going well :) 

Will keep you updated ...

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Updated on June 10

Things have been quite great since my last update. We hit some bumps when I found some of his ex's personal items around the house and realized that his last sex with her was probably just around the end of last year, not too long at all before he took me over his house... I probably think too much but since it is the past, I will try to forget it.

After coming back from the trip with my parents, I have spent every day with him. I dont know why I still have some doubts, probably because of the secretive way he acts sometimes, his high sense of privacy (well, I understand I should not try to explore every part of him, so I will try to take it easy for now). June 6 should be marked as a special day as it was the first day we both reached climax, pretty awesome night:) I just hope there would be a bit more sweeter and romantic gestures towards me... Let's see how things progress.

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Update on September 14

Quite a lot of things happened. I cant believe it has been three months since I updated you with my progress with him. I found out he was cheating on another girl with me for the entire time from March to beginning of July. July 3rd, we were officially bf and gf. He cut out all his communication with the girl in July and sent her a final message to her on August 11 to let her know they are officially off. However, I and he have undergone lots of bumps since I found out about the girl. All the trust was shaken. I am insecure most of the time. We fight, I cry, he gets mad. I just feel things are so unstable between us.

He changed a lot, but why still I do not feel the love and care that makes me feel warm and happy? I just met his parents two days ago. They flied out to Puerto Rico this morning. I drove them to the airport. I wished he could be considerate enough to text me something. He might not even feel worried about my first time driving in the dark. I am just upset. I guess I am too used to my ex-boyfriend's way of showing love and to be honest, I love his way and want to be continued to be loved that way. I know that is so selfish of me. I should accept my boyfriend for the way he is. Yet I cannot help missing the love and care I used to receive. What a dilemma! Am I with the right guy?